False Our Litt le Man by Ciara Gaff ney When my big sister Niamh was upstairs taking a pregnancy test, I remember thinking “ this is the last thing we need.” Not only were we in danger of losing our house ( our parents were going through a divorce) but Niamh had only started a new course called Fresh Start that helps people with a disability or depression get back into the work force. But as soon as we saw the little blue line, all the doubts faded away. Niamh, my other sister Sinead, my Mam and I gathered around my sister and I knew it would all be fi ne- it’s always been us four against the world and this was just another challenge. Niamh’s pregnancy wasn’t the easiest, she had awful morning sickness and sometimes couldn’t make it to her course, but she soldiered on. When she started complaining of feeling ill and bad headaches, we sent her around to our GP. It was then that our doctor discovered Niamh had pre- eclampsia, a potentially fatal condi-tion involving coma and convulsions endangering her and the baby. After a couple of weeks she was bought in to stay overnight, and then it was decided she would have a caesarean because the baby was in distress. She went on steroids to strengthen her babies vital organs and on the 28th October baby Jamie Sean Gaffney was born. He was kept in hospital for a month so he could put on weight, as he was two months premature. On the 29th November Jamie came home, he was the most beautiful, tiniest baby I have ever seen, we all fell in love from the moment we saw him. He had four girls wrapped around his tiny fi nger and we trea-sured it. I called us his four mammies. We tended to his every need, he couldn’t even move in his Moses basket without one of us coming to see it he was okay, we cherished our time with him. On St. Stephens Day 2006, we planned to have all our family over to get together. Everyone came and it was the greatest day of my life. I remember saying to a family friend, “ I’ve never been happier than I am now, I have all my family, I have my nephew Jamie and all my friends are here.” I went to bed blissful, I didn’t even mind I was in work the next day!! I was woken by my sister telling me we had to go to the hospital because Jamie wasn’t breathing. I text my friend in work asking to tell my Manager I would be late, I just had to go to the hospital. It didn’t even register how serious this was; I thought Jamie would pull through. But he didn’t, on the 27th of December, after 65 days on this earth’ a remarkable, strong baby was taken from us, back to Heaven- back to where all the Angels go. It was the most devastating day ever. Only a few hours ago, my family had everything, now it was being ripped from us. We went to see him, he was so tiny- it looked like he was sleeping. I wanted him to wake up, to hear him gurgle again, to hug him, but we couldn’t. Niamh and John were devastated, they barely even spoke. Amazing family members took over, they planned everything for us- took care of all that was too painful for us to deal with. On the 29th myself, Sinead, John and my Uncle Charlie carried the tiniest coffi n I’ve ever seen to our local church. It was packed with friends and family. They read out poems chosen by us, Johns Uncle and Sinead read a special poem that we had used for Jamie’s naming ceremony in the hospital, changing it slightly to suit ‘ Our Little Man’ which was his nick- name. We played three songs, Wind Beneath My Wings, Tears in Heaven, and The Dance, which described the atmosphere of how we were feeling. “ I could have missed the pain but I’d have had to miss the dance” The sentence completely illustrates what happened, even though losing Jamie was the most shattering and upsetting thing that has ever happened to my family, I wouldn’t trade the two months we had with him for anything in the world. It was the most wonderful and incredible time of my life, and he has left his little footprints in our hearts forever. I believe that Jamie was sent down by mistake from God, and when he realised his mistake, he had to take him back because Heaven was missing one of the most important Angels of all. isands newsletter 8

False First poem written for Jamie Just as perfect as we thought you’d be, you’re always going to have four mammies, you were my big sisters little man, So perfect, such tiny hands. But now those tiny hands are put to rest, God broke our hearts, to prove he only takes the best. and until we meet again, somewhere in the sky, remember how loved you were and we will try not to cry because the reasons you were taken are unknown, but you left us all a memory we are proud to own. The Little Angel From the moment I held you I was in love, You were perfect, the best gift from above, 65 days you blessed us with 2 whole months of perfect bliss. But they knew they had made a mistake Sending their most precious Angel for goodness sake! So they took you away and brought you back To where you belong, putting Heaven back on track. Now I know the skies are lucky to have you, And I know someday we’ll all be there too! But it still breaks my heart, Knowing the world has simply torn us apart. You’re the reason stars sparkle way up there, Its you saying hello and that you know we still care, So never forget the time we had, Because we won’t forget you’re at God’s right hand. isands newsletter 9