False First poem written for Jamie Just as perfect as we thought you’d be, you’re always going to have four mammies, you were my big sisters little man, So perfect, such tiny hands. But now those tiny hands are put to rest, God broke our hearts, to prove he only takes the best. and until we meet again, somewhere in the sky, remember how loved you were and we will try not to cry because the reasons you were taken are unknown, but you left us all a memory we are proud to own. The Little Angel From the moment I held you I was in love, You were perfect, the best gift from above, 65 days you blessed us with 2 whole months of perfect bliss. But they knew they had made a mistake Sending their most precious Angel for goodness sake! So they took you away and brought you back To where you belong, putting Heaven back on track. Now I know the skies are lucky to have you, And I know someday we’ll all be there too! But it still breaks my heart, Knowing the world has simply torn us apart. You’re the reason stars sparkle way up there, Its you saying hello and that you know we still care, So never forget the time we had, Because we won’t forget you’re at God’s right hand. isands newsletter 9

False We love you darling Ella to the moon and back My husband Anthony and I had been trying for a baby over 18 months so when on Friday the 3rd November 2006 we discovered that we were actually pregnant we were absolutely elated. In fact many emotions were felt that day I think – happiness, excitement, a little bit scared as we didn’t know what to expect as it was our fi rst pregnancy. We had decided to wait as long as possible to tell family and friends as we wanted to keep it just for us for a while. The plans we had been making all along were now at full steam ahead. Even though we had said we didn’t mind what we had so long as the baby was healthy - ( secretly I hoped for a girl!) We had planned the nursery, we had thought of names ... so much to do and so little time!!! ( And this was only the fi rst weekend!) I was feeling fi ne and then on Monday 13th/ Tuesday 14th Nov. I started vomiting. I thought it was just morning sickness but when it lasted for 3 whole days we went to the Doctor on Thursday 16th November. The Doctor told me that I had a condition called Hyperemesis gravidarum - means excessive vomiting during pregnancy. Hyperemesis occurs in about 1% of pregnancies. The condition causes uncontrollable vomiting, severe dehydration, and weight loss for the mother. However, Hyperemesis rarely causes problems for the unborn baby. The cause of nausea and vomiting during pregnancy is unknown but may be related to the level of certain hormones produced during pregnancy. I was admitted to the Maternity hospital that day. ( It was to be one of eight admissions to the hospital before Christmas). On admission I was hooked up to an IV of fl uids as I was severely dehydrated. Blood tests were run and anti- nausea medication was also put through the IV. The vomiting was severe – almost every 20 mins. The day after my fi rst admission I met my Gynecologist for the fi rst time … It was to be the fi rst of many visits from her. She sent me for my fi rst scan which showed all was ok with the baby. I began to feel somewhat normal after a few days and the vomiting stopped so I was allowed home. After 24 hours I was back in hospital again … this is the way it went right up to Christmas. I would be admitted , given fl uids and anti nausea medication and then I would go home only to be back again within 24 hours. I was allowed out of hospital on Christmas Eve and spent Christmas day at home with my wonderful husband. I managed to have a Brussels’ sprout, a piece of ham and a bit of potato for my dinner without being sick. I had two the other side of my chest. baby on the scan and said to us that he just wanted to get his colleague for a second opinion. When he left the room I asked Anthony why he needed a second opinion as I never thought for one moment something could be wrong. Both Doctors came in to the room. The other Doctor checked the baby on the scan and turned to me and said ‘ I’m sorry, there is no easy way to tell you this but there is no feotal heartbeat.’ I couldn’t believe what he was telling me. I will never forget those words as long as I live. Anthony just turned to him and said get my doctor now. They left and my doctor arrived after a few minutes. We were in shock. She scanned the baby and told us that the baby was gone. She was in shock as well. ( It was discovered later that there had been a tear in the placenta and the baby’s blood mixed with mine). I was brought back up to my room . We just sat there unable to comprehend what we had been told. We were numb. The midwife had only checked baby’s heartbeat that morning and it was fi ne. All the nurses who had nursed me for so long couldn’t believe it and were all so upset. My doctor sat with us for a while and then left and fairly good days at home. The day after St Stephan’s day I was admitted again … left out after a few days. When I went back in after New Year’s my Gynecologist said that she wasn’t leaving me home anymore until either the sickness stopped or the baby was born. Everyone kept telling me that the sickness would go at 14/ 15/ 16 weeks then it moved to 18/ 20 weeks but it just got worse. I was on IV fl uid & anti nausea medication continually and also vitamins by IV every few weeks. I was losing weight as I couldn’t keep any food or fl uids down so mid January Suzanne decided I would have to have a long line inserted into my arm to enable them to feed me TPN through it. I was so upset because all I could think about was it was another needle. I had had so many needles inserted in to my hands that my veins were starting to collapse Some days were worse than others … Often I wouldn’t even have the energy to talk to my husband Anthony or anyone else that came to visit. At this point I would like to say how wonderful my husband was through all of this. He was by my side day and night apart from when he was at work. All the driving to and fro from the hospital ( we lived an hour’s drive away from the Bon’s), the holding of my head when I was vomiting every 20 minutes, the emptying of that bowl so many many times, dealing with the Doctors, doing research in to Hyperemesis to see if anything more could be done to help me … I know many would say well that’s his job he is your husband but not everyone can cope with sickness like that. Weeks passed by, I was still vomiting even though I was being given anti nausea medication. I lost more weight ( I had lost 2 stone by this time) and the long line in my arm got infected so it had to be removed. They put a central line in to my chest that enabled them to feed me and give me my IV fl uids through it. A few weeks later this also got infected and they had to remove it and put another one in to On the 23rd of March ( Daffodil Day) at 25 weeks in to my pregnancy my gynecologist sent me for another scan just to wave to the baby and say hello as I had been quite sick for the previous few days. As with previous scans Anthony always came to the hospital from work to be there with me and to see the baby. The nurse that was doing the scan said she would just get the Doctor to have a look and left the room. She came back with the Doctor – he had a look at the isands newsletter 10