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False 2003 And then there were ten... It is hard to believe that almost ten years has passed since my daughter Ruth died. At the start, each day seemed like ten years long and back then, I could never have imagined getting through ten years but I have. ISANDS has played a huge role in my life since her death. Firstly where I turned to for support and in my own time, my own contribution to the organisation to support and help other parents and families in her memory. In ten year Ruth has inspired much that is good both at a very public level and more importantly in my own private life. I could say so many loving things about her and God knows I have but I can’t but feel proud and want to boast, just like I would if she was alive. For those of us who are lucky enough to have other children; from the moment they are born we quickly realised how much they need us to do things for them. We are there to encourage their growth, to enable their development, to speak up for them, protect and love them. We can get involved in mother/ toddler groups at an early stage, go on to become members of parent teacher associations, facilitate and support their roles in sport and other interests, help organise fund-raising events in aid of their schools, colleges.... and so on! I see my role for my daughter Ruth no differently to that of my living son Simon. I have done all those things mentioned for Simon and in a different way in her memory and to help other parents and families who have and will follow and that feels good. It has been part of my healing as a bereaved mother. Don’t get me wrong, I have missed desperately being able to take my daughter to mother/ toddler groups, her fi rst day at school and all her days at school and speaking up for her needs. She would now be almost ten years of age and ~ I listen and observe others with their ten- year old daughters and wonder ‘ what we would be at.’ I used to wonder through the last ten years would those wondering thoughts go away but for me they haven’t and I now believe they never will. Ruth is part of my landscape for the rest of my life , she will quite probably colour what I see and how I hear and to be honest, that’s fi ne. Ruth changed me and that’s the part of her I get to keep. Ron Smith- Murphy isands newsletter 60