Report on Parent Support Meetings of 2009 This year we tried a new format for our Parent Support Meetings. The first of our new type meetings took place in Charleville, Cork earlier in the year. Peter Hanlon, Bereavement Therapist with the HSE in Dublin was invited to take us through the various feelings and emotions that we experience while we are on this journey of loss. His experience of listening to many bereaved parents and families in his bereavement work has given him an unique insight into our loss. Coming from his professional background in medicine, counselling and international knowledge on the subject of grief, Peter was able to talk to us about the roller-coaster of emotions we experience. This hopefully helped in our understanding of the normal feelings of grief and also identify, signpost and seek support for more complicated grief. We openly discussed various aspects such as clinical depression, post natal depression and concerns relating to children's grief. Following Peter's presentation we had a cuppa and a chat amongst ourselves. Parents sat in smaller groupings and some felt this was better than the old way when we just had one large grouping of parents in a circle. Parents have often said they dreaded the thought of their turn coming around to talk. Hopefully the new format is a little more comfortable. The Parent Support Meetings are just one area of our Support Services that is up for review into 2010 so we would love to have some feedback from the parents who have attended this years meetings. If you had the time we would really appreciate a call, email or letter to let us know your views- warts and all!! Its good to hear both points of view as we can only then decide what helps . If you have any ideas/ topics that you think would be helpful to include in the meetings please let us know also. Look forward to hearing from you. We intend to organise similar support meetings around the country over the coming months so that we get an overall picture of the support needed in every area and the most suitable venues and type of Support Meetings to provide that support. Ron Long Ago Bereaved Parent Support Meeting ~ Inch House, Thurles Nora Egan Proprietor of Inch House invited ISANDS to host a Parents Support Meeting for parents whose baby died many years ago, so we accepted Nora's invitation. It was a lovely opportunity to meet with parents and we thank them for sharing their untold stories with us. We are hoping to do more of these meetings in the future. Our thanks to Nora and her family for their hospitality. Calligraphy Many of you will be aware that we have beautiful handcrafted Books of Remembrance. The first Book of Remembrance played a very important role at a time when there were thousands of parents and family members who never had acknowledgment of their loss. I will always remember when I was asked to facilitate parents and family members signing the Book after Services of Remembrance and other events and feeling completely overwhelmed by the outpouring of grief and emotions. It was an incredible moment to be part of peoples lives and I always felt very privileged to share in it. A couple of times a year we would give the book over to Bob Keogh for him to inscribe each name again in calligraphy. The beautiful writing cased each name with perfection. Unfortunately Bob had to retire and we are now looking for a calligrapher to take on the role. I write this in hope that someone reading it might be interested in taking on the task or might know some one who would consider doing it for us. If any one is interested please get in touch and we will discuss this with you. There is a bit of a backlog now but we hope to get someone soon and have everything up to date. On that note our apologies to those waiting to see their baby's name inscribed but due to unforeseen circumstances we have not been able to get them updated yet. We are giving parents the opportunity to arrange a time on a designated day to come into our Main Office and sign their baby's name into the current book. If you are interested please give us a call and we will let you know the dates this will happen and if that suits we can arrange a time. This is by appointment only as Books of Remembrance are not kept in Carmichael House, please phone our main line 01 8726996 or email info@ isands. isands newsletter 33

ISANDS Discussion Forum Since March of this year the new ISANDS Discussion Forum has just taken off and it is great to see how many Mums and Dads are using the facility for ongoing support, advice, with general and very specific discussions going on all of the time. I think what is wonderful about it is that it allows those using it or just reading it access to support all of the time. If you read through some of the posts you can see that some are written early in the morning or very late and even through the night. I know when my daughter died many years ago I would have loved to have a place to go to talk about her and life without her. The Forum has almost 200 members now but hundreds more view what others have written and that in itself offers huge support. I would like to thank all the Mums and Dads who have posted their innermost thoughts and shared at a very private level what and how they are feeling about the loss of their son or daughter. I don't think you realise what you are giving to others who are feeling isolated and lonely. It is lovely that you all welcome new Parents in such a loving and caring way. It is easy to see that you are helping each other everyday. Just look at the numbers of views of some of the topics and you'll see how many are actually reading what you write. Here are some of the topics and number of views to date~ Recently Bereaved - 11,348, Mums on going support 5,574, Considering another pregnancy 3,858, Pregnancy after loss 6188, Dad's support 1,887, Grandparents 515, Long Ago Bereaved Parents 519, Twin/ Multiple Loss 1218, Your other children 856, Recent thread on the Willis & Carter Audit Reports 1207. It is incredible to see how many are reading through the posts and hopefully this will encourage others to join in. It is a good way to access support without having to identify who you are if you do not wish to. Like other Forums, ours also offers the facility of sending a private message if something needs to be asked or said that warrants a little more privacy. It's lovely to see we have a few members from outside Ireland and hopefully more will join in over the years. It is a very young Forum and has a long way to go before it has a huge User population but for the moment it is great and that's thanks to all the original members. We need to encourage more parents whose baby died a long time ago to join in. The story of your son or daughters short life and how you coped at the time is one that needs to be shared. I know it was a very different time to give birth to a baby who had died or was expected to die. I am also aware that most parents were treated badly but we would love you to tell us about your experience and maybe you'll encourage a huge response from other parents who had similar experiences and who never got to tell their story either. Keep chatting to each other, hopefully it is helping you but we want you to know you are helping so many others. Thank you. Ron isands newsletter 34