Remembering Liam15th March, 2009That is a date I will never forget. That was the day that they told me that my much longed for baby had no heartbeat anymore. I went to the hospital on my own that day. I hadn't felt too much movement from you since the night before. But, your big brother was having his nap and I insisted to your Dad that I would be in and out in an hour or so. I was sure that there was nothing to worry about. The midwives would tell me that you were just sleeping getting ready for your big journey. I was even doing shopping lists in my head for the way home. I had washed and sterilised all your bottles the day before. We were ready and waiting for you.The midwife was doing the scan and it seemed to be taking longer than normal. And when I asked if there was anything wrong, she said she couldn't fi nd a heartbeat. I asked her "You're not going to tell me the baby has died". But I knew before she even answered me and I just broke down. It couldn't be happening to me. It just couldn't. I had a perfect pregnancy, not too many bad symptoms. I was just waiting for you. I was alone and felt an ache in my chest. I now know what it is like to have a broken heart. And I still had to tell your Dad. The midwife made the call and I tried to tell your Dad but the midwife had to take the phone. Daddy was heartbroken too. I then called your Nanny (my mammy), and tried to tell her. The midwife had to take over again. Your Nanny told me later that she thought I was calling to tell her I was going in to have you. Everybodys heart was broken. My heart is breaking all over again writing this.Your Dad got to the hospital very quick. I kept saying how sorry I was. How I should have gone to the hospital sooner. And Liam, I am sorry for not going sooner. I will never know if they might have been able to save you. I will never know if I might have had a happy little almost one year old crawling around under my legs now. For that Liam, I am eternally sorry. Your Nanny and Grandad arrived a little while later. I don't know how we would have coped without them. They took over everything. The doctors sent us home after a while after taking blood tests and told us to come back in the next day to be induced, if nothing happened naturally overnight. So on Monday, 16th March, they induced me. 17th March, 2009Such a bittersweet day. That was the day you were born into this world. That was the day that we got to see how beautiful you were, how perfect. Just a little small. You were born at 10 minutes to 6 in the evening. I begged the midwife who delivered you to tell me that they had made a mistake. I just wanted it not to be true. But, of course, she couldn't do that. But, she was a wonderful person. She said how lovely you were. She used your name, Liam, so much. She showed us that you were still our baby and that it was ok to be proud of you and want to show you off. Because that is how we felt. We thought you were so beautiful. You were perfect, everything where it should be. I just wanted to show my new little boy to everybody. Our lovely midwife took you away to clean you and dress you for us. She asked us if we wanted to, but I was a little afraid of hurting you. She was so good. She brought you back to us all dressed in your little white baby gro and hat, and she had you wrapped beautifully in your blanket. It was like you were just sleeping. A little while later, your Nanny and Grandad, and your Aunty Sue came. They were very good in the hospital. They let them all into the labour ward to see you. They all thought how lovely you were. While we were all very sad inside, outwardly I was happy. I had just had my second little boy and wasn't he beautiful. I couldn't wait to get back to the ward to show you off to all the nurses.We had 2 wonderful days with you. We got to show you off to all your family and our friends. Everyone said how beautiful you were. We were able to introduce you to your brother, Mark. He talks about you all the time. We can't pass a cemetery without Mark shouting out "Hello, baby Liam". That might sound odd to some, but to all of you reading this, I know you will understand. And he will always remember you. We will talk about you all the time. We have wonderful pictures of you, little boy. You are watching over us from every room in our house.You slept in your Moses basket at home beside our bed just as you were supposed to. You were in your home. All of these things mean so much to us. 19th March, 2009We had a beautiful Service for you in your home, and there were lots of people here. But, we had to say goodbye. I don't think our hearts have healed yet, Liam, or if they ever will. I think a piece of our hearts went with you when you went back to God. You will always be in our thoughts and our hearts, Liam. We love you so much and will love you with all our hearts till the day we meet again.23rd February, 2010I sit here writing this with tears streaming down my face. There are times I can't believe that I am still here functioning. We don't know what happened to you, Liam. We will never know. Sometimes I want to know. Other times, I don't. I wanted to go with you that day, Liam. isands newsletter20

Remembering Patrick Leonard 40 Years On18/10/1969-18/10/2009On October 18th 1969 our little son Patrick Leonard was stillborn. He was our fi rst child and our loss was tremendous.On 18th October 2009 family friend Bishop Willie Walsh celebrated a beautiful Mass to remember Patrick's 40th. Birthday. Our daughter Fionnuala and her husband Eamonn did all the preparations and the entire family; partners and 8 grandchildren gathered in their home for the special occasion. Fionnuala produced a lovely Booklet and Patrick's siblings- Eamonn, Fionnuala, Brian, Leonard, Eimear, Ciara and Sinead participated in the Readings and Prayer of the Faithful. It was a memorable occasion to have all the family gathered together to remember Patrick on his birthday. The eight grandchildren-(the oldest just gone 3 years) provided light-hearted entertainment for the afternoon.you should be doing. And that sounds so good. You are a part of our family, Liam and always will be. You will always be our second little boy.And now, the days are getting longer, the daffodils are starting to come up, the wee willy wagtail birds are everywhere. And all of these things remind me of you, Liam. Spring is in the air and Spring will always remind me of you. Your birthday is coming up, Mothers Day is coming up. You were due to be born on Mothers Day last year. You were born on St. Patricks Day. All of these dates remind me of you. And we will celebrate your birthday this year and every year. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.With love, hugs and kisses to you, my sweet baby Liam, Remembered by your Mammy, Daddy and big brother, Mark Back row- Eileen, Bishop Willie Walsh, LenFront row-LtoR- Eamon, Leonard, Ciara, Fionnuala, Eimear, Brian & SineadBut, you know there are people here who need me and for them I have to be here. But I think of you every day, and I say your name as much as I can to anyone who will listen to me. It is music to my ears to hear your name. We are surrounded by many loving people who talk about you and mention to us sometimes what Unfortunately Mary Ryan could not be present but it was special to have Pauline O'Gorman and Sadie Devaney with us on the day.Love from your Dad, Mam, Brothers & SistersLen & Eileen Gaynorisands newsletter21