My Dearest GabriellaAt night when I fall asleepshe is all I dream of...Th e one who's always had my heart,my angel fr om above...I want to hold her in my arms,comfort her when she weeps...Be there to tuck her in at night,then gently kiss her on the cheek...I want to tell her sweet dreams before she lays her head to rest...Th en whisper soft ly in her ear,"to have you, I'm truly blessed"...I want to be able to love her,prove to her that she's my world...Th en I wake up crying tearsbecause I'm without my litt le girl...My days without her hurt so bad,I wish I had a memory...And every day 'till we meet again,I'll wish I had you here with me...'Daddy loves you Gabriella'Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.isands newsletter7

Eves StoryIn April 2008 we found out I was pregnant with our second baby. We were over the moon. As the weeks went by I prepared our toddler for the arrival of his little sister. I had a normal pregnancy and was very active throughout, all hospital appointments were normal and there were no complications. The weeks were spent dreaming of the little girl who was to enter our lives just before Christmas, the best Christmas we were going to have - our little family of four. We had so much to look forward to and life was just great. I was scheduled to have a c-section on 9th December 2008. On Wednesday 3rd December I went to my consultant for my last scheduled visit before my c-section. I will remember his words for as long as I live "baby is in a fi ve star hotel there, doing great" he said. He turned up the volume and I heard her familiar and re-assuring heartbeat. I went home the happiest girl in the world; I was days away from meeting my new baby. That night I commented to my husband on her movements and how bizarre it still all seemed that she was nearly here. I was 37wks and 6 days pregnant - 'nearly there' as people would comment, on the 'home stretch'. Thursday 4th December tells a very different story. As soon as I woke up I knew that she had been quiet all night, I hadn't been up during the night which was odd. She didn't move during the day, as the hours passed I knew I needed to go in to the hospital for a quick check, I dropped my son off and drove over alone, I did put my bag into the boot thinking that if push came to shove I would be kept in. I texted my husband to let him know my plan. Ten minutes later my world had fallen apart. Midwives could not fi nd a heartbeat. Doctors could see no movement on an ultrasound. No one had to tell me what was next. My baby had died. My husband showed up in the hospital room shortly after and we sat staring at each other in the small room. I couldn't understand how this had happened and I was asking strange questions like whether they could deliver her and resuscitate her. I honestly never knew that little babies just died. We left and drove home, that night is still a blur. Friday 5th December we returned to that same hospital. Shortly before 1pm that day our daughter Eve was born. The silence in the delivery room is something we will remember forever. She never took a breath; her eyes were closed as though she were asleep. She was beautiful; she weighed 5lbs 7oz and had a full head of thick black hair exactly like her Daddy. She looked like a little doll, just perfect, nothing out of place - but the silence, the silence we will never forget. The following days were extremely traumatic and diffi cult. Eve was buried in the cemetery closest to our home on 11th December 2008. While we made the painful decision to have an autopsy, we have not discovered why Eve died which has been very hard to accept. What happened to her is defi ned as 'unexplained' - doctors have said that she died from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) in utero.People say that the death of a child is the worst thing that any parent can endure and they don't lie - it is isolating and terrifying. We are trying to rebuild our life isands newsletter8