baby made it home and not a bother on him. Our families met their grandson and nephew and we were just like any other family with a newborn baby. We were all in love. Love filled our hearts. At 1.30am I tucked Ethan into his moses basket for the last time that night and forced myself to go to bed. We had a nurse with us that night so I told her to wake us if anything happened.Adam woke me at about 6am. I could just hear this noise and I knew that this was it. I pulled myself together and went to my son; he needed his mother now more than ever. His daddy held him in his arms but he wouldn't settle. His breathing was raspy. He was a real mommy's boy so I held him in my arms and sang the song I used to sing to him in Dublin 'Baby don't worry, about a thing, coz every little thing is gonna be alright'. It's the only line I know. I cuddled and kissed Ethan. I told him not to be afraid, he was safe in his mommy's arms and that I am so proud of him, proud of him for being my son and for being such a brave little boy. We took Ethan who was now asleep in my arms into our bed. And of course we fell asleep. We woke in total panic at about 9.10am and Ethan was still breathing, still with us. We both looked at our baby boy take his last two little breaths. Within two minutes of us waking up he was gone. He waited for us. He passed away so peacefully, so gracefully cuddled in between his mommy and daddy. The two people who loved him the most and whom he loved the most too. My baby lived for 11 days. His life-time was short but I am so privileged to have had him in my life. Don't get me wrong the pain; the unbearable, unrelenting pain in my heart is always there. The emptiness in my arms, in our home, in our bedroom is almost lifelike. But Ethan lived, he was here with us and I believe he is always with us. I am so grateful for so many things, that we have so many photos and so many memories of you. It was the greatest honour to carry you, to love you, to be the one to hold you, to be your mother. You live in my heart Ethan, I carry you everywhere with me and there is no love greater than the love between a mother and child. That bond will live on and I will love you forever. I will never get over losing you and I will keep your memory alive.Love mommyGlenda ChristieYou crossed over to the other shore, I will meet you there one day I'm sure,Until then my son...FlyFly fly, little wing,Fly beyond imagining,The softest cloud,The whitest doveUpon the wind of heavens lovePast the planets and the starsLeave this lonely world of oursEscape the sorrow and the painAnd fly again.(Celine Dion)moments19

Tuesday the 5th of January 2010 was the day our lives changed forever, it was 9:30am when my waters broke, though I didn't know it at the time, but I knew something was wrong. I was 20 weeks pregnant with our first child and up until that point I had a trouble free pregnancy...We had our first scan just four weeks earlier on the 8th of December 2009. When our little girl appeared on the screen for the first time all our dreams became a reality as we watched in awe at this little person we had created, bounce and tumble around the screen....so precious.. a memory we will treasure forever. We left the clinic that day on cloud nine, with grins like Cheshire cats stretched across our faces, as we started to plan our baby's future and discuss baby names, pre-schools, christenings and all the paraphernalia we would need to buy.However our happiness was short lived, when on arrival at the hospital on that fateful day the doctors broke the news that I was going into early labour and there was nothing they could do to stop it, and worst of all there was nothing they could do to save our daughter as at 20 weeks she was 'incompatible with life'. Those words rang so hollow to our ears as we cried in disbelief...how could this be, there had to be some way of stopping the labour.. why couldn't they save our baby...only the day before we had gone to our GP for my four week check up and everything had been fine, a strong heartbeat, 'a real mover' she had said, that was the second time doctors had remarked on her movements, and Roland had joked that she was just like her mammy, always on the go...but that day as we looked at the screen while her little heart was still beating her movements were laboured, she was restricted as all the fluid had gone from around her. We knew our little baby was distressed.No words can describe the pain, the sense of helplessness, loss and despair as you are told your baby is going to die and in that split second your future is taken away from you.That night we had a glimmer of hope, I didn't go into labour, I had no pains....so we prayed and talked to my bump..we had a strong feeling all along that it was a girl, but the doctors couldn't tell us that day as there was too little fluid...but we just knew...so we talked to her and begged her to hang on in there.. explained that we weren't ready to meet her yet that she needed more time to grow big and strong. We told her how much we loved her and how wanted she was...but our hopes and prayers went unanswered.The following day all our hope was taken as I had my final scan that evening. Nothing could have prepared us for the words..'I'm sorry but there's no heartbeat..'... we had been told the day before that our baby had no chance of survival at birth, she was incompatible with life, but we were never told that she might die before she was delivered. When those words were spoken and we listened to the silence, inside I screamed... the pain rose into my chest, I couldn't breath, couldn't speak...and the tears began to stream down my face. The doctor apologised, she was about the same age as me, and the tears welled up in her eyes as she said she was sorry nobody had prepared her, and she fled for the Consultant, who confirmed the worst. At that point the ground went from beneath me, as I just broke down and cried and cried. I have no idea how long I was in that room for, and I don't know how I managed to get back up.The shock of the news triggered labour and baby Sofia-Rose Flower was born at 7:50 pm weighing 460grams, and 23cm in length, she was tiny but perfect. She had her daddy's nose and bottom lip, and long limbs so she definitely wasn't going to be the little poppet I had thought, she was going to be a daddy's little girl in all sense of the words. When she was born she was in the In Memory of Sofia~Rosemoments20